the horror of it all
Does anyone else have a daily annoyance?
Mine?
I have somehow been signed up for a daily horrorscope.
Yes…horror-scope. So many people rely on those things. ‘You will fulfill one of your greatest dreams today’. I could have told myself that. Anytime that I eat Chinese food for lunch it’s a dream come true for me. I am easily pleased by the little things in life.
I don’t even know how they know when I was born. In fact, I have no idea why I get it. I guess I’m a Gemini. Everybody goes, ‘Oh. That explains a lot’ when they hear that. I’m just perplexed.
Yeah, you know, some of the things that they say are right on the money. I find it odd though. There are millions of Geminis in the world and all of us woke up this morning to be told that we should now pay better attention to our finances.
Huh. It will be debilitating when the post office gets all those envelopes containing checks to pay all the Gemini’s bills. Well, half of the bills will go through the mail. The other half will be paid over the internet. Probably short something out right around Northern California. C’est la vie.
This daily annoyance has become more and more annoying. I was taking a ‘can’t beat em join em’ attitude. Looking for it in the in-box. Reading it with great pleasure assured in the knowledge that my focus is unshakable today and that I should be able to get those pesky projects finished.
Lately, though, it has started to be intermittent with arriving. Sometimes I wake up, check my phone and there it is to guide me through an emotional time and warn me that I should probably think before I speak. Sometimes I’m already eating my veggie egg foo young when it comes in. And yes, I will eat a honking salad for dinner if mercury is in retrograde.
Now, lunchtime isn’t bad, per say. But recently I got my horrorscope at 8:51 pm. Seriously? How can I get sincerely annoyed (or amused) by this horrorscope if I don’t get it earlier in the day? All I can do then is just look at it and yell, ‘now you tell me. Thanks!’.
Just annoying. What in the hell good is the information at 8:51 pm?! How am I supposed to know that I have to look for that person that I will talk with and change their life?! You mean to tell me that the information was so difficult to divinate that it took an all day session of meditation to come up with?
No, fellow star signs, I don’t believe that. I think that it just sits in an email queue line somewhere, just waiting to squirt out into everyone’s mail box. Pre-written based on the position of Amy Winehouse in relation to Tom ‘Suri’s Dad’ Cruise. And it marinates there until it’s nice and juicy and then -pow- it hits the in-box.
I occasionally wonder what other signs find in their in-box. I’m curious. Can I switch over? Change teams, as it were? Email the customer service department at The Horrorscope Depot and make a small request?
“Dear Sir or Madame,
“I have been getting your wonderful (and accurate, I must say) emails detailing my world of possibilities every day.
“And while I’m referencing the ‘day’, would you mind sending it out a bit earlier? I got mine at 8:51 pm one day and missed my chance to find that charismatic ’someone’ who would present me with the opportunity to travel.
“I would like to go on record as saying that I’m not bitter. I am, in fact, comforted in the knowledge that a Gemini sits in a small cafe in Amsterdam sipping a delightful cup of coffee and happy in the knowledge that your wonderful information will reach them again on the morrow.
“That’s neither here nor there, and I digress from my original purpose of this contact.
“I have recently been feeling more practical. My carefree Gemini ways have given way to an alarming sense of order and organization. As an example, I often get the uncontrollable feeling that I need to balance my checkbook and file my business expense receipts more than bi-monthly. Unfortunately, this makes it very difficult to relate to the Gemini horror..I mean horoscope.
“I’m not sure how to say this, so I am just going to say it. I have been living a lie my whole life. And I want to live the rest of my life without any regrets and being open about who I am.
“Sir or Madame, I must confess to you know that I am not the typical Gemini that I have lead the world to believe I am. No. I am a Capricorn. I have been a Capricorn. I’ve known for such a long time. When I was a kid, I used to play with the fine point accounting pens, always looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was looking. I got caught once by an Older Aunt who was a Librarian (and perhaps a Libra), so she understood and never mentioned it to a soul.
“So now, Sir or Madame, my request to you is simple. Would you please help me live my life as my true self and allow me to be a Capricorn? I believe that is written in the stars. And I know that you fine Sir or Madame can relate to that.
Sincerely,
Ex-Gemini.”
I’ll bet they think that I’m outta my mind and use my letter as post consumer fill for those shipping envelopes.
Oh well. I think I’ll order some sesame chicken and wait for my horrorscope to come in tonight.
